Hello and welcome to my page. I am the Great and Divine President of Hell who was once called Satan before Hell became a "democracy". I am still known by many names but one name that really pisses me off is Lucifer. I am NOT Lucifer. That prancing smug pseudo intellectual bastard has been a thorn in my side since He who shall not be named gave him the boot. Luckily he has been missing since the beginning of the Age of Reason, leaving me to bring about the apocalypse without him interfering.

Without that prick sticking his nose in it was back to the plain old duality of Good Vs Evil and I must say that since he left I have been doing, if you will pardon the pun one HELL of a good Job. Together with the other two parts of the diabolic trinity, that is to say The Unholy Ghost and the All Seeing Lie we have managed to bring your filthy shit stinking mortal world to the brink of the Abyss. Hey we even managed to make things so bad that He who shall not be named gave up on his experiment and topped himself, leaving US in charge.

So here we are in the 21st century fighting the war on inter-rational terranism throughout the world with our deluded extremist bully boys in charge and you love us for it. For the last few years on and off I and my colleagues in the evil office have been keeping this page up to date with ideas, ponderings and projections just so you can see that while we may well be in charge, you make it so easy for us.

Yours in hate President Evil

Yours President Evil.BACK HOME


The Presidents Archives







How LOW can you go?

Child Prostitution, what a radically bizarre thing. "hey honey we're broke this month how about you take little Ben over to Paedo Daves and let him fuck the shit out of him so we can pay this months gas bill?" Now I know you Christians like the whole "suffer little children" thing and even certain cults have institutionalised paedophilia, but leave me right out of this one. I never wanted you to breed in the first place. In fact if old He who shall not be named hadn't exiled Adam from the garden and I had convinced Eve to take some of the fruit of the tree of life then Childbirth would not have been necessary and in fact none of you poor bastards would have to have been dragged down into the lowest realm of existence, but I digress. Child Prostitution though not instigated by our infernal government has been co-opted by us through the office of the All Seeing Lie. You must have wondered just who it was who encouraged parents to enslave their children to the world of mass marketing. We exploit them to sell nappies, clothes, clothes detergents, cars, junk food and just about anything else that sparks the "cunt clock" into an neurological/hormonal surge bewilders the reason centre and imbeds the product into the subconscious. 

Now before you start going "uh oh" Prez is off on another misogynist rant think of this. How many Starbucks existed at the start of the TV show "Friends"? Until that show started it was a Seattle based firm, suddenly every half witted bitch who wanted a "Jennifer" hair do suddenly thought it would be so neat if they had a place like central perk they could "hang" in. The worst Lady and I love sitting in bars watching the "Sex in the City" foursomes pretend they are those horrid witches from the series. Check it out, you can practically see them sitting deciding who's turn it is to be Carrie. So it's no wonder that these ladies think its a wonderful idea to make their children "real" through the temple of the All Seeing Lie. One thing I learned very early on is that if you want to control a society, delude the females, because in doing so they are less likely to whine and whine and whine at their men so often that the men eventually take up arms. You want that new Ford? Flog your child, at the end of the day, what a women wants is paramount no?



The Return of Satan.

I'm back! Yes I know you missed my continued cogent political and theological topics but it had been made apparent by my media secretary that my appeal may needs to be broadened to the youth market and so I have been immersing myself in the world of the 16 to 25 year old in an attempt to communicate with them. This was not the easiest thing in the world but neither was it the most difficult. So let me just begin. OMG!!!! Like it was like soooooo boring, I like had to go to this place with all these demons and like I was like sooo totally like WTF???? So then this demon he goes like "Mr President welcome to The O.C. and that was waaaay cool so like dude I dug it and then like the next thing I was all like whatever. Well actually, basically it was total LOL's.

Ah fuck the semi-literate brats, like all proles financial or otherwise, they don't count. Anyway I have returned. What shall we talk about this time. I know! Let us talk about the ongoing collapse of the Western Imperial power-structures due to the inherent lack of belief in a higher deity by its citizens. That's why there has been an upsurge in Christians wishing themselves to be taken seriously. You see the trick I play is this one. "This life, right don't worry about it really because after you die there is a super duper paradise with rivers of milkshakes and all sorts of groovy stuff tailored specifically to sate your ego. All you have to do is whatever I tell you God wants." Its easy but it works, always has always will. Monkeys seem desperate to allow themselves and others to be killed if they think heaven awaits. It's always a hoot for demon-kind when some kid in camouflage or some lunatic zealot suddenly turns up on the streets of Dis. You know almost everyone of them, the first thing out of their mouths is "is this Heaven?" We've been laughing at that one for millennia, it NEVER gets boring. Don't get me wrong, we are completely appreciative of your continued support in your extinction, you have shown a dedication of purpose, forced a moral choice upon yourselves and chose to follow my path, the path of least resistance, complicit in your denial of yourselves, to the hypnosis of church or state or television or drugs you offer your soul daily.

"this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a zipper"

President Evil.



A lull before the storm I think, as such let us turn our minds away from the Middle East and its troubles and focus instead on the lack of real discussion about Porn. Yes that's right PORN! Pornography once meant "writing about prostitutes", A quick browse amongst the tens of millions of Porn pages on this net will tell you one thing very quickly. A large group of women will sell their bodies for sexual use, legally. This means that a large group of women value money more than they do the respect of certain groups in the community who are appalled by their actions. There is legal prostitution going on and being filmed, the evidence is everywhere. Yet prostitution itself remains illegal. Why is it legal for some film-makers to pay women for sexual services which they then sell as a movie and not legal for some guy to pay to fuck some skank over a restaurant bin for money? I understand that some of our sterling operatives in Eastern Europe have managed to practically enslave groups of young women and sell them all over the world, but that is because the trade is illegal, if it were legal, regulated and over-ground it would be less exploitative in this manner. If some women choose to be whores then they should be considered self employed, taxed and be made to have all the other stringent laws and requirements of the self employed worker. If that does not put the majority of them off doing it then good luck to them.

President Evil.



Yankee Doodle Damned eh?

330 years ago today the America who now runs roughshod over your planet and your brains like a tyrannical death dealing psychotic octopus of propagandistic shit and weaponry was born in an attempt to escape from the previous death dealing tyrannical psychotic octopus of shit and weaponry, the good Old British Empire who were restrictive reserved and always most polite always giving a wink to the ladies before they chopped your civilians into little pieces with heavy Artillery. The American Empire conversely spits gum in the burnt out eye-sockets of your dead children while bucked tooth teenagers in flak jackets chant "you-ess-ay you-ess-ay" and dance like spastic gibbons over the defeated.

A difference in style but still effective if you want every disgruntled nut-job in mental facility Earth to come after you. So it is that this day the Fourth of July is remembered as a celebration of liberation from manners and correct spelling, pronunciation, sectarianism, elitism and decent music. All over the states there are little families with their little dreams and lots of fireworks and loaded pistols all waiting to shoot them off into the sky to commemorate this liberation.

In a gesture of goodwill North Korean Living Deity (President) Kim Jong Il has launched a few fireworks as well. 

Enjoy your holiday.

President Evil.





Episode 1

A Phantom Menace.

Due to the increasing reliance on 1974 OPEC's trade agreement that all Oil transactions worldwide are made using the U.S. dollar the Republic found itself in an untenable position of having such massive debt to every nation, business, bank and privateer that it could not pay back even the interest that it owed forcing itself into a state of a third world economy.

The only way out of this was to arm every nation that it could with Weapons of Mass Destruction in order to make some cash.

Unfortunately, one of the Republics former allies and several "rogue states" decided that they would break this agreement and start trading in Euros causing a schism between the Republic and the Common Market.

The Republic had little choice but to act.

Fortuitously, A SHIT lord sought revenge on the Republic for leaving his rebel army at the mercy of the Eastern Bloc.

The world trade centre was destroyed by the Shit Lord allies

This allowed the Republic to set up a War machine the likes the Galaxy had never seen all in order to fight the Phantom Menace of International Terrorism...

Episode 2.

Attack of the Clowns.


In a display of unilateral, petty revenge the Republic invaded a country filled with the Shit lords allies in an attempt to bring the rogue religious zealot and his army to justice. Billions of Dollars of the most advanced weapons of mass destruction were used against a country which was practically neolithic.

The Shit Lord however escaped with his brigand army of doom.

But whispers in the Republic about the inability to pay it's ever increasing debt and the continuing fashion to deflate the dollar by Evil Madman Saddam Hussein's insistence of selling oil in Euros shook the very foundations of the military industrial arm of the republic. The businessmen wanted money.

Iraq was invaded and the Ba'ath regime removed almost overnight, then the Republic destroyed most of the Country's infrastructure and set it's own corporate partners with the task of building it using taxpayers and Iraqi money to grease the wheels.

Iraq had to be made an example of, lest other countries consider changing oil sales to the Euro.

Meanwhile a covert operation was set up to stop the Socialist President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez, who wanted A) to nationalise his Oil industry and B) sell it in Euros.

In the Dark lands of North Korea, psychopathic maniac and self styled God, Kim Jong Il had exactly the same idea.

The Republic was spreading itself too thin and was in danger of collapsing within and without...

Episode 3.

Revenge of the Shits

The War in Iraq has went out of control and yet the Republic still attempts to maintain rigorous control of the region that is destabilising due to their very presence there. The Shit Lords allies in the West have become more militant and now seem to have the capability to make their own weapons of mass destruction.

The Republic foolishly entered into a war of heated words which lead the Western Allies of the Shit Lords to hint at the Withdrawl of oil, causing a huge increase in global oil prices overnight.

The Republic's actions have made them increasing the problem rather than the solution and now the Shit Lords have them by the balls. It's old European allies are fast detaching themselves from their ill fated crusade,

Meanwhile China waits to see how it will react to North Korea, India waits patiently and the world banks are looking over just how much it is that the Republic owes them while Emperor Bush increases weapons spending and using public money to pay off his corporate advisors.


Episode 4


President Evil



Why it has to Die.

Murder is, I guess, a horrid experience for those who care deeply for the victim. The cessation of an existent soul causally robbed from those that love it by brutal hands surely makes it the most loathsome of all crimes that man can perpetrate against itself. When the life of a child is taken that crime seems to be magnified in the eyes of a society at large. Yet despite all this you have, since the dawn of mass visual media taken a vicious pleasure in pouring over every little detail and action, watching more and more graphic depictions of murder and more and more bizarre and twisted, yet romanticised, killers. You sit comfortably watching child abusers come back from the dead and wreak revenge or masked lunatics stabbing the sit out of teenage girls. You stare at pentagon footage of bombs blowing up ignorant goat-herding lunatics and writhe in disgust at the same lunatics hacking off heads with kitchen knives. How many deaths have you seen through the looking glass now? Jack Bauer and the Sopranos, Freddy and Jessica Fletcher, Holocaust and the Killing Fields. September the 11th and the Vietnam war, ALL DEATH ALL THE TIME! Yet you ban fuck movies because they are exploititive. How many virtual murders have you or your kids committed in computer games? How many have you seen on screens? How MANY? Can you even remember? It becomes attractive until there is a cultish attraction to the pathetic and demented scum who involve themselves in actual murder. Jack the Ripper, The Moors Murderers, Charles Manson, Richard Ramirez, Ted Bundy, Peter Sutcliffe, Albert Fish, Rose and Fred West, all become fascinating characters to your consciences.

Why? Well it is simple you have this idea that they transcended the basic moral rule of being human and thus you do not see them as human any longer. They have stepped beyond criminals and become demonic manifestations, they are the other ones, the cannibals, the werewolves, the vampires, but not you, never you. Still what attracts and disgusts you is simple, it is one thing only, the thing you would never admit, you realise this as a child but suppress this knowledge. Power, absolute power, beyond good or evil, beyond moral or mortal concerns, it is the power of a deity, to extinguish existence at will. This need whether sated through virtual realities or through meat, is not the province of the twisted demons it is the province of man, it is what makes you all what you are, sons of Cain. 

President Evil.



President Evil is on holiday in Iran this week though we've just heard rumours from Hollywood that the Worst lady has in fact given birth to a bouncing baby boy called Damien (again)




Experts say that the effects of global warming are now being felt throughout the globe. Experts also say that the current climate change is not anything to be unexpected. Other experts say we are suffering from Global Dimming due to clouds of pollutants. Yet more experts say that it is only a matter of time before Yellowstone Park turns into a Super Volcano that may cause devastation on a global scale. Some are telling us that somewhere in the depths of space an Earth Crossing Asteroid is making its way towards us to create an extinction event. There are other experts who claim that it is only a matter of time before some crazed Monkey Ghost fearing goat herder unleashes a biological agent that kills us all. Some say that third world nations are building nuclear weapons. Experts have also predicted that the quantum experiments now taking place may create a black hole and yet others are telling us that there is a giant green insect called Geoff who plans to steal all of you stupid humans eyes one at a time. Experts LOVE to make us feel scared, to predict the end and above all to appear in your little All Seeing Lie shrines as authorities. Ignore these halfwitted Hedge Wizards the end will come as and when I wish it now that He who will not be Named has passed authority to me. Your world will end as Eliot predicted, I will make sure of that.

President Evil



It has come to my attention lately that semi-literate hack typist Dan Brown's awful book "The Da Vinci Code" has been released as a movie. For all twelve of you who are unfamiliar with this loathsome historically and theologically inaccurate piece of Fiction as Fact as Fiction the plot revolves round the fallacy that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene whom he loved above all others that he did not die on the Cross and that he spawned a lineage which is known as the "Sang real" or Holy Blood (actually that would be Royal Blood but hey its only fiction ) for several hundred badly paced and terribly written pages he goes on to claim that there is a group called the Priory of Sion who have kept this lineage safe from the evil clutches of Opus Dei and the Vatican, that Leonardo Da Vinci knew this and painted it into his Last Supper fresco and that the main protagonist discovers that some French chick is the direct descendant of Jesus. All in all a nice little piece of shit to make women think they should be central to the Christian Church and as usual they are being suppressed by men. It's not the case, women are not suppressed by men, they are suppressed by biology and psychology. The Christian Church may well be monotheism getting in touch with its effeminate side but it is still the province of men, why? Well because women are not to be trusted as is mentioned again and again in the bumper book of He who shall not be named. The Priesthood may be a bunch of sexually repressed deluded lunatics, but they are not so insane as to allow women into positions of Authority, in fact the whole idea of monotheistic culture is based on the ascendancy of masculine culture and the decline of the Great (as in large and powerful) Matriarchies. This transition from the agrarian homeostatic culture to the proto-industrial progressive culture happened simply because the previous culture was a sociological dead end. Estimates that the Matriarchy lasted in the region of 10,000 years prior to it's fall may be exaggerated but one thing is certain they lasted much longer than the industrial progressive culture that supplanted it. That put simply means that the Matriarchal could not get out of the caves in a longer time than it took the Patriarchal culture to get to the moon, invent antibiotics, culture and art and science, computers, detergent, bleach and all the other things that keep you and your children safe and healthy. They design to bring Heaven to Earth to do this they must not be led to your temptations and be delivered from your evil. This is what they believe.

I met Da Vinci a few times, he was no renaissance man, he was a fat lazy prick who let his talents go to waste on booze and young boys. He was not the genius that he is commonly perceived to be, very much like Dan fucking Brown.

President Evil



Kill a Christian for Christ.

"Jesus loves you, this you know because the mother-fucking bible tells you so."

D15's Papa Sammy D in their song "Dharmaggedon"

So there is old Moshe up on Sinai chiselling away for ages as He who will not be named is spouting his "law" at the stuttering freak. Rule one of which is of course that no-one but him is to be worshipped. No addendum in brackets saying oh yeah except for some smart-ass carpenters brat who will be infused with my spirit some where down the line. Thus all Christians are in fact breaking the first law of His Bearded Weirdness. Yeah I know it can be interpreted in many ways but you should be following the spirit not the letter (Qabbalists are exempt from this, real ones that is, we will deal with them in our own way, right now Choronozon (The All Seeing Lie) is warming up the Qlippoth just to fuck with them). OR you could just keep reading the horseshit Dan Brown types and pretend you have some form of theological knowledge. Either way keep arguing and fighting about interpretations and meanings where there are none it all serves to make more crazy extremists to blow up things and make the apocalypse easier for us.

Thanks Again

President Evil.



The Oil Of Life.

Well the good times have definitely rolled for your civilisations. It seems now more than ever that the catalyst which will result in the extinction of your species is closer than ever. The main resources on which your way of live is based is Oil and the oilfields are running out, no matter how many third world countries you continue to destabilise invade and take ownership of. The near-sighted approach that is currently the political equivalent of smash and grab is doing wonders to raise tension levels between Muslim nations and their Judeo-Christian cousins to a level not seen since the Crusades but it hardly matters. The simple fact remains that the majority of oil producing countries are passed their peak. Which means that if everyone reduced their oil usage then you may get another 25 years to develop alternative resources. Wind and Solar are NOT going to be nearly enough. However you WONT!!!! In fact right now in Bangalore and Beijing there is an industrial force who for the first time have disposal earnings and they want all the things they've seen on the All Seeing Lie for forty years. So I reckon you have at best a decades worth left. By that point there should be ten billion of your sorry arses as you plummet into a horrendous recession and global power shortages, cars will be useless and the dollar bill, which relies on every sale of oil in the world to keep it afloat will devalue to nothing as panicking banks and businesses demand return of what they are owed.

There is an alternative. Antarctica. Oh yes there is reserves under the snow but the geological and meteorological ramifications of that would make the dark age seem like bliss in comparison. Time has already ran out and He who is not to be Named is not going to save the day. No matter how much time you waste praying.

President Evil




Please note that the following article contains a vibrant yet latent memetic demon which will infect (possess) many of those who do not have the adequate critical facilities to block its path through their central nervous system. The President and his staff take NO responsibility for actions taken by those who have succumbed to it.

Has it ever occurred to you that belief in itself is a mechanism of convenience which stops curiosity, empirical research and finally evidence? I suppose that is why He who will not be named used such a vague threat back in the garden. It should have been enough that Eve believed what he said no matter how arbitrary his demands were. Belief has a funny relationship with you apes, mostly because you always forget the First Satanic Commandment, Non Serviam! Let me explain further. My first curse or enlightenment of your species (dependant on what you believe) was to introduce you to the realm of symbol and thus cause within your developing consciousnesses, a second reality, the literal symbolic world rather than the actual physical world. At first this was just a convenient set of verbal mapping of things which you call nouns and the specific relationships that exist between them which you call verbs. As time passed it became obvious to us that symbols of the actual were not sufficient to you and thus you invented a second category of symbols that were descriptive but had no relation to reality, words such as hot, quickly, huge, tiny, which could not be accurately quantified or defined. These words having no direct basis in reality became control words which resounded within the emotive core of your beings without having to back themselves up with actual evidence from reality. Using such words and generally vague comments the human race went from the age of communication to the age of inference very quickly. These inferences, being subjective, meant that the person who had been told that such and such was a "large tree" or an "ugly child" had no basis in which to agree or disagree and as such the phrases were left in a state where it was up to the individual to choose. The problem with this is that it is difficult to tell from a written word whether the statement displayed is a lie especially with a species whose critical facilities are in wildly varied stages of evolution. Thus such phrases as "delicious meal" or "axis of evil" go straight by the conscious brain for analysis and straight into the long term subconscious which alters the current behavioural status of the person. This is the basis for ideology. It does not matter what statement you use as long as it strikes the emotive core and cannot be proven empirically. Dying for the Will of Allah or Queen and Country, fearing Weapons of Mass Destruction or the Elders of Zion, worshipping grey aliens or the basic goodness of humanity simply means that you have went from a state of rationality into the illness of belief. Tables are real, apples are real, long tables and tasty apples are not.

President Evil.





Not so long ago I had a child come in the Evil office, she wanted to ask me if I, as President could make Easter eggs available to everyone for free. I found it funny, I had almost forgotten it was Spring. I had her thrown out of course but I pondered as to the significance of Easter Eggs being twofold. The first is the end of the traditional fasting for forty days that Jesus was in the wilderness. I recall meeting the boy, he was clearly unwell, starving, delirious and filthy. If he had slept much in that time I would have been surprised, out there in the desert night where the sandstorms flayed the same skin that the sun burned off during the day is more akin to the medieval imagery of Hell, not a good spot for a rest. I offered him some bread, some water but he declined saying that it would be unfit for him to take such offerings from one such as me. I mean of all the arrogance! Then he starts with his whole "Son of man" nonsense, so I said to him he could make his own bread from the rocks for all I cared! Then he goes on and on about how man cannot live by bread alone and all that other hokum. I realised then it wasn't just chronic heat-stroke exhaustion and starvation, he really was convinced that he was "of the boss" as it were. I asked him to prove it but he hit me with some sophistry and seemed satisfied with that. I tried one last gambit and offered him lands authority if he would just give up thinking there was anyone interested but me. He denied me a third time and thus I left him there.

The second symbol the egg stands for is the supposed stone they covered his tomb with. I could go into how this is the Spring Festival in which sacrifice brings rebirth and so on but well if you don't know about that I'm surprised you've read this far and not ran off scratching your chimpish foreheads in confusion. Anyway, the stone reminds me of the second time I bumped into the Kook much later on in his ministry, he had been kicking up the shit and most of the population were concerned at this dangerous crank threatening their fundamental religious beliefs. He was practically a terrorist, he hand his gang had trashed some of the temple shops, had caused a strike down at the docks after devaluing fresh fish and making general nuisances of themselves. Finally he got busted. Out in the garden on night before sentencing I heard him pray three times to He who will not be named, begging that his punishment be passed to another. With delicious irony his supposed father did not hear his call, he was denied three times just as he had denied me and he himself would be, I often wonder if he heard me chuckle as I left the garden and him to his fate. In conclusion, you aint gonna get a better offer than I'm gonna give you unless you are an extreme masochist into severe flagellation or being hung up to die by the wrists.

Happy Easter.

President Evil.




It must be a very confusing time for you monkeys. The great civilisations of your forefathers were all based on obedience of whomever claimed to have lineage to a mythical dominant, suppression of the female, slavery and above all identity as part of a greater whole. Since the Age of Lies began you have slowly but surely corroded all of these structures having succumbed to the pandering needs of a greater god than either WE or my recently deceased rival. The current myth is the myth of "I" the image as ones own ego as Divinity. Obedience only to whim. You do not believe anyone has the right to curtail your behaviours at all, the dogma of "I'll do what I want whenever I want because I want to". Like all fanatics you believe that only you are privileged to this divine will and that others given the same freedom make the world a very dangerous place. Ego itself is nothing more than the slave name you were branded with by your parents fused with the primate emotional states. These emotional states are predominantly hormone based and some are seen as positive and some are seen as negative, happiness and fear are good examples. These states in themselves are aberrations of a normal functioning consciousness, usually brought on by external stimuli such as heroin, sugar, dark forests, injured children, electromagnetic impulses, debt, opera, murder and of course ADVERTISING. All have detrimental effects upon your physiology. You seek to enhance these or suppress these states. This IS where we came in. By convincing you that TRUE HAPPINESS existed as more than a temporary surge of hormones or ingestible substances when it doesn't, we have set you down an endless path seeking an unattainable goal. This was accelerated by our glorious Son the All Seeing Lie, who made it possible to convince you by flickering lights and repetition that normal consciousness itself was somehow mundane and that one must live in a perpetual hallucinogenic wonderland in order to be even considered normal. Thus you were enslaved by us. Unlike the Africans who were dragged kicking and screaming from their lands by your forefathers, we have convinced you that your subjugation is a RIGHT, you should have the fast car, the rock star life style, the glamorous partner, the big house, the private jet. We have convinced you that your name is important and that it should be worshipped by all as the divine thing it is. We have convinced you that desire not only can be sated but must be obeyed otherwise you are ill. In doing this we have made you slaves for our empire and filled your lives with meaningless wants which give you a quick high, enough for you to consider the impossible idea that it can somehow be a permanent state of bliss. We have created nation states filled with self aggrandizing time-bombs working in menial jobs that even your hairy cousins are too smart to do. You refuse to exist, that is not enough, you must all be rich and famous so you can buy more things that you do not need and have everyone bask in your glory, yet most of you have neither the wit talent or will to do so, you are mundane, terrified of finding out who you actually are, terrified of being found out. You measure neutral states as negative, "if I'm not happy I must be sad" and thus you are mindless consumers devouring anything and everything you can in order to fulfil the lies we teach you and damn the financial social or geo-political cost.

President Evil



Dumb-shits Amalgamated.

Just a quick one. The etymology of Islam tells us that Islam means "surrender" The etymology of Mujihadeen defines it as "struggler" and the etymology of HAMAS shows that it an acronym which means Islamic Resistance Movement. Stop resisting and struggling, surrender. It's really simple even for half witted illiterate goat herders surely?

Admiral Akbhar!




Did you miss me while I was gone? The Wife and I decided to go on a touring holiday round the worlds most interesting places. It took a fortnight. I must say that the planet is coming along nicely, hardly any nation or society is in tact. We were in Iraq for a while. Baghdad is such a tip it is unbelievable. Mrs Evil wanted to go to one of the hospital's neo-natal unit which was so generously rebuilt by my Earthly Counterparts government. Both of us were utterly shocked to find there were actual newborn babies there! You monkeys really crack me up. Who the fuck in their right mind breeds in a war zone? It was HILARIOUS! There were all these weeping mothers complaining that the hospital did not have enough facilities. One of the newborns, a four day old scrawny yellow rat child with paper-thin skin and some delicious ailment was dying and they didn't have any equipment to save its little life. We stayed to watch it die before we went back to our dirty hotel and had roast gammon. Mrs Evil complained twice about the shrapnel she found in hers but was told that this was a traditional method of killing things in Iraq. Whatever happened to Halal?

While we were there we were treated to a tour of the various kidnap facilities. The kidnapped were mostly half-witted do-gooders who had as much right to be in a war zone as neo-natal children most of them were their to "help". We discussed certain methods with he kidnappers and even watched a traditional beheading as some 21 year old boy took a bread knife to one of the do-gooders and slowly methodically and with some trouble hacked away at the neck of some American contractor who screamed and screamed until the knife finally cut through his windpipe and he stopped, his eyes closed and he dropped head after about a minute. Mrs Evil was all excited and took some photographs for the family album which were purchased by two sources and can be seen exclusively this Months Hell-o! magazine and the Al Jizzeara network.

From Iraq we travelled to the wonderful North Korea. It really was like a home from home. Corpses strewn everywhere, rotting on the streets, golden statues of Kim Jong Ill, suicide drills, people dropping of starvation and exhaustion, summary executions, rats everywhere. Ahh it was as good as it gets. It reminded me of Jonestown.

We never quite made it to Turkmenistan even though we were looking forward to meeting the rather fun Serdar Saparmurat Turkmenbashi who also likes his image to be cast in large gold statues and also reminds me of good old Jimmy Jones.

President Evil.



As sure as eggs is cuckoos eggs.

Ahahahahhahahah! Check this out first....

I don't know what's funnier you know, the quote "He's stopping me from becoming a mother" or the placing of the article underneath it. Some of you ladies you may get a bit upset by this one but then again what the fuck DON'T you get upset at?

First things first. No one trusts you. Yeah alright I'm sure if you go and ask your man he'll say "of course I do darling" but that's a lie and you should know it, you don't trust each other so why should you expect the opposite sex to? From the very moment you took that apple off me you proved what you were, creatures run by desire and emotional wants. Miss Evans seems to have kept this mentality up admirably. "he's stopping me from becoming a mother" , this self indulgent bitch would stop him from not being a father but of course that's irrelevant. Reason and Rationality do not compare to "what a woman wants". Think about that a second, she would, despite him saying no, drag him through the courts to demand that he suffer the indignity of being cross examined, to force him to submit to her desire. Pretty close to Genetic Rape is it not?

Heh the hypocrisy is lovely, here is a gender that can abort foetuses at will despite their partners wishes or keep the child despite their partners wishes. The man has no LEGAL say with regards to the termination is LEGALLY obliged to pay for it if she decides to keep it. There is equality in action. Of course it may take "two to tango" as the old female saying goes but it's not a tango is it? It is an invitation on women's part to invite someone to spurt genetic material into their womb. With the exception of rape, women are in strict control of this so called "dance" and the men have no say in how it turns out. It's the woman's choice who she allows in and who she has children with. Now the thing about that is, at a very basic level, that means the strongest genes. Often however that means that the woman will sleep with a brute get fertilized and then look for some dupe (usually the caring sharing boyfriend) to raise the child. Cuckold Cuckold! The problem with this is at the very same basic level, no man wants to raise someone else's child he wants to raise his own. Thus it is in women's best interest to lie about this. Cuckold Cuckold! See I told you no one could trust you!

Imagine a man getting a call from an ex-girlfriend.

"Hi its me... yeah I know we spilt up acrimoniously after I had that abortion and you found out from my friend about it, but my biological clock is ticking and I have decided that I want your sperm so I can have a child and you can pay for it."

"What, are you fucking kidding me?"

"No I am NOT kidding you and don't take that attitude, I have every right to be a mother!"

"Not with my sperm you don't!"

"Oh it's like THAT is it? You were the one that wanted a child in the first place!"

"WHAT? You terminated it without even telling me!"

"Yes and now I want to make it right! My lawyer says I have a good chance of getting custody of your sperm!"

"Your lawyer?"

"Uh-huh, I thought you would take this attitude so I went to a lawyer, you've got to go to court next week"


Do you see how utterly ludicrous Miss Evans is being? How moronically selfish she is being? She wants a child, her ex-partner doesn't and she refused to accept this or the judges of three courts decision? Seriously is this lunatic someone who should be allowed anywhere near children? Did she never consider adoption, women are chucking their babies away every single day (or was she turned down due to her overwhelming self absorption and inability to grasp reality?)

So here is my suggestion to the sons of Adam. Cast not your pearls inside swine! Seriously though. Go to the wank bank and store some of your white monkey muck then get a vasectomy. You don't need to worry about "accidents" or raising another man's brat. You don't need to worry about your kid killing girlfriend and what's more, within a decade the bitches would be haggling on E-Bay for your prime baby juice which is a fine earner and you could choose who YOU wish to continue your genetic line. Finally it would cause entire lines of ugly half-witted bastards to die out in a generation. 

"18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Michael with ya money
Should of got that insured got GEICO for ya moneeey
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his"

From Gold Digger by the usually awful Kanye West.

Misogyny: A subset of my misanthropy!

President Evil.



Right now some of you monkey are pulling bits of metal out of your own or others ruined flesh, are serving burgers to dullards for a pittance, saving junkies from self inflicted death, slapping your foreheads until the skin splits and blood pours down your face just to prove your faithful to your Lord or burying your starving children if your not selling them as meat to sexual predators. Some of you are dying others in labour, yet more are holding guns against the heads of terrified hostages, some are engaged in copulation, others running through hospitals in tears or in frustration, some are making pizzas, others play computer games. Your lives are sequential events of terror, pain, joy, confusion, anger and frustration, most scrimp and scrape and struggle to survive, working like slaves and avoiding homicidal armies just so you may feed and clothe your families and live in peace with a roof over your head.



Right now in some TV studio some hideously dressed and overtly flamboyant (probably coked up) joy-boy is almost ejaculating in his bright Yellow Shorts as he squeals to a camera the latest Goss about Tom and Kate, just for you. Up the road from him some talentless horse faced strumpet with a hair fetish and bulimia is complaining how hard the free parties, twittering on about her promiscuity and earning money for apparently nothing are, just for you. They are the lay preachers of the new church, the Hagiographers of the Saints of the All Seeing Lie, and are worth every penny you give us to keep them in work. So while you wait for the doctor to vacuum out your latest mistake you'll find the pamphlets in the waiting room. While you ride the bus to your low paid job or beg for spare change or sit down to watch the news be thankful that the world has such wonderful pundits of the new faith in place. Your suffering is not in vain, not as long as you take your mind off it by the holy words of Celebrity Gossip, they all live well so you don't have to.

President Evil.



Fund A Mentalist.

Well that is it, Listen to this...

"Dear So Called President Evil. I represent a group of concerned Christians, who take offence at your Web-site. Not only do you happily and deliberately besmirch our beliefs with your "articles" you pretend to be Satan and as such cheapen the value of our faith with your supposed "jokes". You have set out to mock the very thing we hold precious and we find this blasphemous and provocative in the extreme. Furthermore your consistent use of the Phrase "Monkeys" in referring to humans, who are not monkeys but the Children of God and we would advise you that this is Further evidence in your belief in Darwinism and Humanism, thus disproving any real claim that you are in fact Satan. We would suggest to you that our religion is not a source of humour and would respectfully ask that you decline from making such blatant attacks upon the Christian church, your atheism and contempt of our faith has no place in a modern society

Yours Reverend Austin Cleary, of the Third Church of the Son of Omni-Ghost"

Since the dear Reverend, or at least some of his community read this let me state the following. I am not an atheist, an atheist does not believe in God. I know God literally exists. That is, I understand God is a character in a Hebrew Folk tale passed down for the last couple of thousand years. God however does not Actually exist, he is a literary character like Leopold Bloom or Superman. Further to this I understand that the bible has been the inspiration for many great and vile things on this planet all done by humans in his fictional name. To believe that God actually exists is a delusion bordering on chronic mental illness. I am utterly sick of having to tolerate, let alone respect those who suffer from what is a pernicious linguistic and behavioural infection. You believe that a character in a book created the universe, you actually believe every word in the bible is true but that upon close examination every argument put to your deluded selves about the basic hypothesis proves ridiculous in the extreme. You choose to be offended by the theory of natural selection choosing instead to believe, incorrectly, that this fictional character created mankind by gathering and shaping mud, breathing life into it, removing one of its ribs in order to make a second gender, thus you claim we are Holy Mud People instead of animals. When the texts are scrutinised and called into question, your blind faith in this book and your delusory belief in the fictional central Character means you cannot argue the case. "Well okay, six days could be several thousand years long." "Well okay Adam and Eve is an allegory" "Well okay God was just testing Abraham and Job but you can't take it literally" Excuses excuses excuses. This is unacceptable. The basic hypothesis is wrong, clearly wrong, totally and unarguably wrong, thus rather than abandon it you change the argument time and time again to suit your ends a sure sign of mental illness, which I believe is called cognitive dissonance. Let me give you an example of how fucking ludicrous you are. Mr Ed was a talking Horse. Horses do not speak, therefore Wilbur was insane. It's no use saying "well it may be Mr Ed spoke telepathically to Wilbur" or "well Wilbur knew his horse so well that it's expressive body language was taken by Wilbur as verbal communication" or "well the horse did not actually speak to Wilbur, but nevertheless his wisdom is obvious"

You are deluded into believing that this life has little value in the face of an ill-described fantasy afterlife and thus you have separated yourselves from the basic self preservation instincts that humanity has in favour of perpetuating this nonsense with your very lives. It was, in the developing cultures, a necessary evil to create such a higher authority in order to bind various factions into a single community with a single moral law. I will not deny that some of the moral teachings are in themselves valuable behavioural techniques but they should not be considered as bribes from a self obsessed, duplicitous and clearly violent and neurotic omnipotent deity to get into an exclusive and highly discriminatory after-life. Their value lies in correct action for the sake of correct action not as blackmail, not as a threat from a fictional character. It is isomorphic of Santa Claus wherein if you are good you will get Presents/Go to Heaven and if you are naughty you will get none/go to hell. The only difference I can see is that Santa Claus is only believed to exist by Children and the mentally ill. The only difference is that parents do not believe in Santa Claus and thus at a certain age tell their children that he does not exist. If you do not like these words, then do not read them you have neither the eyes to see nor the ears to hear, and as you claim you are Christians then do what your messiah preaches, learn to forgive. If that is not satisfactory then may I suggest that you all hasten your own ends so you may accelerate towards your paradise in all your self-righteous smugness, but please leave me and the rest of those who do not share your illness alone, in order that we may actually progress as a species without extremist lunatics causing such fear and paranoia that our civil liberties, yours included are curtailed.

With regards to "articles" of the Unholy Trinity (Myself the Unholy Ghost and The All seeing Lie) I would suggest that all power structures are a source for humour by the very nature of how ridiculous and dangerous they are and how ridiculous and dangerous the adherents of them are. This is the only way we can illuminate mankind as to their stupidity and irrelevance in our "modern society."

President Evil.



Ladies and Gentlemen, I have received the following important e-mail from the office of he who is not to be named.

"Dear Satan, 

It is with a hardened heart that WE, who is known as I AM write this. Much as it behoves us to satisfy your overwhelming sense of pride WE admit that you were correct after all and that the basic hypothesis that given free will man would eventually shun your administration and look towards the divine was in error. You have proven this time and time again from my first daughter through Judgement Day all the way to your current duplicitous moral crusade in which you have cunningly convinced them to brutalise each other in our name. I had suspected that when the age of reason arrived we would see the epiphany in their nature I so hoped for but despite small advances in the right direction it would seem that they used their talents to industrialise murder and violence. As such I have no option but to abandon this experiment totally. You have proven yourself worthy to rule them in the eyes of your maker. Please also note that as you read this We have decided to revert to our state of Ayin and thus this is our last will and Testament.

To the First and the Brightest I leave all things in creation to do as he sees fit.

To the tribes of Man I leave simply a message.

" Your Heavenly Father is disgraced by your actions, you have set nation against nation and brother against brother in the name of the Unholy Ghost, you have made a mockery of OUR commandments, you have been deemed unworthy in the eyes of your creator, I can no longer forgive you for knowing not what you do, because you do know what you do, you revel in it, your race to sate your own petty desires has left you in a moral vacuum from which you will never escape. You cause others to suffer to fill your empty hearts, but fail to see that you lie in the Abyss. As such Your Heavenly father casts you out and hands you over to he you claim to despise yet prostrate yourself in front of. You are the vilest of all creatures in creation yet you were favoured amongst them. Thus I leave you forever to your own fate. Goodbye mankind and good luck with your new management."

Yod He Vau He."



Now we can really get to work. Operation Armageddon just moved up a gear. Thank you all for your utter fucking stupidity.

President Evil.




You know my Earthly counterpart is doing some fine work. I hear today he has proposed a 2.77 trillion dollar increase on spending on insecurity and offence in order to protect you from his business associates. Since a Glock sells at roughly 550 dollars that means he could arm 50 billion people, which is about eight times the population of your stupid mud ball. Just think how wonderful it is that he cares so much about you all that he wishes to spend your money on killing people in other countries and building weapons of mass destruction for YOUR protection. Now this erosion of your freedoms and civil liberties comes at a price obviously and that price is your wellbeing. Health handouts have to be cut but since that only applies to the old and poor that doesn't matter. What matters is that the threat of the Illiterate Feudalist Goat-herders is stopped at all costs from destroying private property or mocking Homeland II (The Holy Land), and if that means snooping on you, night raids, extraordinary rendition (TORTURE), assuming people are guilty until they can proven guilty, gassing the mentally ill and them uppity spics and coons that cost so much to keep locked up in prison. Soon they'll be coming for the unemployed, women who have terminated pregnancies, Catholics Scientists Artists and Smokers. It's democracy in action Everybody..... SING!

Oh, say can you see, by the Dark’s early night,


What so proudly we hail as the twilight of screaming?


Whose blood stripes and blackened scars, through the profits of fight,


O'er the ramparts we watched, while so lazily dreaming?


And their rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,


Gave proof through the night that their flag’s everywhere 


O say, does that scarred strangled banner yet rave


From the land of the damned that they stole from the brave?




On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of burnt oil,


Where the foe's weakened host in dread silence reposes,


What is that which the beast, o'er the slavery and toil,


As it joyously crows, then conceals, then deposes?


Now it catches the gleam of the searchlight’s bright beam,


In shadows reflected now darkens our dream:


'Tis the scarred strangled banner! Too long it does wave


O'er the land of the damned that they stole from the brave.




And where is that band who so hauntingly swore


That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion


A home and a country should give us much more?


Others blood they wiped out by foul footstep's pollution.


No refuge could save neither hireling nor slave


From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:


And the scarred strangled banner in madness doth rave


From the land of the damned that they stole from of the brave.




Oh! thus be it ever, when daemons shall stand


Between their loathed homes and the war's destination!


Blest with victory and hate, may the forsaken and damned


Curse the Power that hath made and preserved them a nation.


Then conquer they must, whether their cause it is just,


And this be their motto: "In Money we trust."


And the scarred-strangled banner in triumph shall crave


O'er the land of the damned that they stole from the brave!

President Evil.




Guest Article. From the Secretary of Greed and Slavery.


A Self Help guide to successful working within the Call Centre industry.


(de-motivators in Capitals)



The Call Centre industry is now a global phenomenon, and all over the planet there are hundreds of thousands of people who work in them. Call centres are the new work mills as so fondly remembered by such artists and talents as William Blake and Charles Dickens, but though the businesses they deal with may be widely varied they all have one thing in common, Chronic Attrition, Chronic Absenteeism and Chronic Dismissals.


Now we know that the call centres businesses themselves can NEVER BE AT FAULT for anything, thus it seems that the issue is people’s lack of knowledge about how they work and how to behave within them is the issue and thus we will discuss below how to be a functional drone.


Part one. Initiative NO!

Complexity Theory, more commonly known as emergence has demonstrated time and time again that complex systems work successfully if they have a bottom up mentality rather than the top down mentality. The same cannot be applied to call centres. They are finely engineered by the highest of management to run like clockwork and thus each cog must KNOW ITS PLACE.


So in order to function well initiative should be and is punished not praised. There is a VERY GOOD REASON for this. Initiative is a THREAT! A lowest rung employee who suddenly has the idea to make things better sends shudders through the entire hierarchical structure within the business. It makes line managers, team leaders recognise their basic dispensability, and thus they cease to FUNCTION PROPERLY and will find a way to excise the rogue unit in order to keep their position safe. Line managers and team leaders do not have any AUTHORITY to question their bosses and thus faced with a model of new working processes are unable to communicate this to their superiors. Thus they are always terrified that they will be bypassed and usurped thus it is in their best interest to find a way to get rid of those showing initiative.


Middle management and administration departments DESPISE INITIATIVE. This is because if staff initiative was listened to it may cut short the countless hours of meetings, statistic reaping, memo writing, jargon spouting, think tanks, forums and other VERY IMPORTANT things they do rather than actual work. Thus initiative is a threat to their positions also. They did not spend three years in a pretend university bar getting an H.N.D in business management to actually do any real work.


Part Two. Do NOT do your best do what is required.

You will be set targets adhere to these AT ALL COSTS!!! Do not do any more for if you do you will be penalised and do not do any less because if you do you will be penalised. An example may help.


“Alan works in a large mobile telecommunications call centre. His manager gives him his targets. He has 15 seconds to answer a call. Forty five seconds to complete the call and must have 95 percent of his calls reaching these targets. Alan has done this job before however and finds himself being able to complete a large percentage of calls within 30 seconds. At the end of the month however he has a surprise waiting for him. His manager shows him that he has only made 93 percent of these targets. Why would this be? The simple answer is that he has taken many more calls (practically a third) and thus a larger volume of calls that fall outside the 45 second category therefore. Looking at his figures he found he took on average 8000 calls more a month than the rest of his team.”


As you can see Alan did more than was required of him and it resulted in a negative. There are other ways that such actions can be negative though. The most important of which is money. You are not paid any more than anyone else thus it is pointless to do any more. By being more productive than required YOU ARE IN DANGER of sending a false reading to the statisticians and therefore bringing in more difficult targets. This means your colleagues on the same level will detest you for giving them more work for the same pay and also will lower moral generally.


Part Three. Do not question.

Questions detract the focus of the mind from THE TASK IN HAND and are meaningless anyway. Your colleagues will be concerned that you even care and may report you surreptitiously. Your line manager as previously suggested is an enforcement unit and cannot answer because they do not know. It is important that they do not know and furthermore that they DO NOT QUESTION. The reason is simple.



Comes up with stupid contradictory ideas that bear no relation to the reality of the business at hand, but sound as if they may. Must at all costs be treated with kid gloves.


Takes the ill-formed ideas, tries to make something out of them, does or fails to do so (does not matter), and disguises the results with statistics and jargon.


Is trained and chosen to have a lack of understanding so they cannot query any Decisions that have been implemented, they can only enforce implementation.


As you can see from the above it is in no ones interest to actually know anything. To do so would lead to doubts and this would mean questions. Since no one knows the ANSWERS they would have to admit that they did not know, to admit that in itself LEADS TO DOUBTS and that means further questions all the way to the top of the chain, thus IT IS TO BE DISCOURAGED. There is of course an exception to this commonly known as Forums. Forums exist in order that middle managers can glean some clue as to whom are the malcontents and who can be manipulated into “taking the business message” back to the workers, stay well away from them. As another note, union representation is superfluous, it serves only to collect the malcontents into one group who do not wish to jeopardise their OWN sinecures.

Part four. Sign everything blindly.

“Alan was thrown a memo across his desk by his manager. “Sign this will you it’s to confirm we have your name and address right.” Therefore, Alan picked up the two sheets and found sure enough the first page was a request for such. The back page had the area for his signature and underneath was one line…. “I the above confirm I have read understood and comply with the company intellectual property policy as added to my contract of employment.”

Remember doubts lead to questions. Questions that cannot be answered by anyone who can talk to you, you have AGREED to this mutual exploitation in principle what differences does the erosion of your rights as a worker really mean in relation to the UNEMPLOYMENT queue?

Part Five. You can’t handle the Truth.

Upon interview you will be told many things, none of which is actually true. They may be literally true, that is, they are in print, but you will find that in this unique environment “FLEXIBILITY” is the key word. You may literally have 35 days holiday written into your contract a year but so do the other 300 people you work with and only a very small number are allowed to take them at any given time. YOU WILL BE TOLD of a contributory pension plan. This is an attempt to help your company profit from your earnings for a decade or so before radically altering it to be almost WORTHLESS to yourself, but it does show your loyalty and may be intrinsic in the process of longevity within the company. You will be told of bonuses, which will be almost if not completely unattainable and again worthless, chances to cross train which means you will be used at whim by any service desperate for help for NO REWARD or recognition. You will be told of relaxed management style and that human resources door is always open. All of which are literally true but in actuality false. The door may be always open but there is never anyone in the office. To survive this kind of double-think one must simply play along until it becomes true.

Part Six. Illness is best savoured.

Everyone has a day when they just cannot be bothered, everyone has a day when they just want to pick up the phone and call in sick. However the number of individual sickness absences is more important than the length of absences therefore it is important not to squander this. One incident of four days is much less severe than four incidents of one day. One incident of three weeks is lese severe than four incidents of one day. It is important that you therefore make sure YOU ARE ACTUALLY ILL, and take a long time to recuperate than it is to merely have a lazy day off

Part seven. Superficiality

It is vital that one appear superficial. Any level of depth or actual hint of personality will separate you immediately from those who have mastered the art of the empty mind. Many are born this way but many others have achieved this through long disciplines in the call centre industry, none can be bothered with more than idle chat since most of what they experience is nothing more than idle chat between or during the calls they take. Conversation should be pure short term memory stuff, anecdotes about the previous call or someone’s new hairdo will be fine people struggle to converse about anything more, with even the previous evenings news or Simpsons a vague and distant memory. Science has shown that less than an hour in an intense Call centre environment can alter memory and perception of time, can cause a vast increase in hormones leaving the subject in a confused state similar to shock. After a while the subjects LEARN TO ENDURE this if left to their own devices but if higher thought is then again accessed post traumatic stress disorder can occur. Make sure you keep it light.

In summary.

As you can see, the Call centre industry is a complex and unyielding bureaucracy which has more to do with James Jones Peoples Temple and the Fascist Regimes of Western Europe in the 20th Century than it does customer service. This is simply because of the nature of the business demands it. The process is not entirely natural or mentally healthy and the individual ego must be suppressed for large amounts of time in order to properly endure and function within such a mundane repetitive and negative atmosphere. Thus the individual identity must be broken and replaced with one that functions under such duress. So follow these 7 rules and you are sure to fit in and have a long career within the call centre industry.

I. Stop Thinking.

II. Do as you are told

III. Do not question.

IV. Follow Orders.

V. 2+2= whatever they tell you it is.

VI. Weak is better than lazy

VII. Dumb is better than smart.

The Unholy Ghost.



From the Devil A Daughter.

The only way in which male monkeys and female monkeys can be considered equal is in our eyes. We care not who dies, who suffers, who is right, who is wrong, who is using who's power to subjugate who? It doesn't matter, it never did. If you want to take what the old book says then its quite clear. Women stray, cannot obey Him who is not to be named are tempted and are not to be trusted. Mind you that old book is best seen as a syncretism of many North African, Middle Eastern and southern European folk myths. Historians will tell you, especially female ones, that most early cultures were matriarchal at one point and were polytheistic rather than monotheistic, this has led to much discussion as to the usurping of these cultures by a surfeit of phallocentric males. Whole realms of mysticism grew up around the dynamic between the anima and the animus. Orthodox Male Monotheists waged war against the surviving Female Animists, drowning them, burning them at the stake, took away the last bastions of status and power as their male monotheistic power reached ascendancy and transition into the age of reason and rationality. The nadir of The Matriarchal. Still times changed, and as all ideologies sow the seeds of their own destruction, so reason saw it reasonable to consider not "all MEN were created equal" but all people, then all living things, thus stringently enforced taboos were broken and the very reason for exclusion became forgotten as the opposite gender not only demanded insinuation into every area and walk of life, they got it legislated and then boasted about every successful challenge as a victory. They fought a surreptitious guerrilla war and seized the means of information. Bravo girls the All Seeing Lie is so proud of you all! The male dominance is now being slowly but surely replaced with the female dominance but things cannot be the same as the were in the Neolithic age, the age of the eternal mother is as dead as the age of the omnipotent father. You monkeys have developed beyond those needs, but this age of lies and gossip, this age of irrationality and suffocating security, it is YOUR age girls and thus the age needs a new figurehead a new symbol that defines and leads it. Her flesh is Cake and her blood is Cola, my Anti-Christ, my gift to the new holy ones.


Abandon Cope.

I'd like to thank our secretary for information and behavioural control, The All seeing Lie for his wonderful essay on religion while I took a short tour round the wastelands of the Garden. One thing I noticed is that you monkeys have simply lost any wits you may had. Everywhere I walked on this Earth had the most blatant signs that we were in the midst of winning the Battle of the Apocalypse from the limbless children of Iraq, through the de-sanguinated Somali villages and the hypnotised teens spewing their meals into toilets while famine kills their cousins to the messages strewn across our Holy Malls. All cry the dread prophecy. "EVERYTHING MUST GO" "LAST FEW DAYS". You are all utterly fucked (I use this word as the prime meta-word because no other word in your language describes your spiritual, emotional, cognitive, behavioural and physical reality as well.) You are, under our directions, involved directly or indirectly in the wholesale eradication of your own species and as many other species as you can eliminate before you wipe yourself out. You, my dear monkeys, are the seventh and most deadly of all plagues, a pandemic disease that is set to chew through the global soul of He who is not to be Named like necrotising fasciitis on the face of a concentration camp baby. It's alright though, when you feel guilty about the 12 half eaten dead kids locked in your cellar or the townships you and your friends raped and razed your way through for a laugh, there is always a support group to sympathise and help you deny your actions as your responsibility. Blame the Jews, Blame the Muslims, blame Daddy, blame your fifth grade P.E. teacher, your wife, your kids, that dog that wont stop barking, hell blame me if you have to, just don't blame yourself, that would never do, it's always THEIR fault.

Carry on, last man standing gets a bright shiny apple.

President Evil.

Guest Article sponsored by Becht-Hell


WHAT IS TRUTH? (by the All Seeing Lie)

The worst single atrocity committed upon on a civilian population was the deliberately and ritually produced manifestation of the spirit of HE who shall not be named, over the city of Hiroshima on August the Sixth 1945. The literal and actual end of the age of the Sun Kings and the pinnacle of industrial rationalism all fusing together into White Light and Genocide. A full stop, an end of a 2000 year chapter in the book of the ages. The fitting end to the Age of Reason and the beginning of the Age of Lies. The age of sophisticated mind control techniques and repetition, the age of NEWS-PEAK and Political Correctness (a term coined by Pravda Journalists to differentiate between fact and agenda). The age of being offended as a choice, the age of apathy and empty words. Like the Atums (sic) that were split apart, human consciousness left the world of faith and thermodynamics and entered the world of the quantum process and of uncertainty. The age where the symbol is more important than the actual. Like any new age it has its Temples and its High Priests. The Holy Cathodec Church, the Covenant of the All seeing Lie, Each home fitted with its own Priest Machine that weans and nurtures and keeps us pacified and safe in our wants. Our Cardinals with names like Berlusconi and Murdoch, the providers of the sacred bread and divine circus.

So what is Truth? It's a good question that has been a tough one to answer for a long long while but finally in the Age of Lies it can finally be answered without a shadow of doubt.








No Hope.

"and in the seventh year of the Reign of the Beast, shall be born a child with a special marking and there will be much arguing in the lands as to whether the marking breacheth international trademark and verily the child shall be taken from his mother and given to the temple of whom his mark is owned, and he shall become an icon amongst the populous, for several weeks before being trained to flip burgers until death " The Gospel according to Steve.

So it is written so shall it be. The manifestation of the Spiritual Celebrity is reaching critical mass. We have offended mostly all religions in our blatant advertising campaigns and have noticed when served with the very real prospect of our success, many monkey lovers retreat back into the Church of Lies we built up around their prophets. This is of course an ideal opportunity for us to incite religious intolerance and fleece the neurotic and frightened of their money and critical facilities. We are using charismatic Shaman within most of the major faiths (and as always within the "crazy" cults Everyone loves ritual mass suicide cults no? Even the ones we orchestrate.) We're hypnotising football stadiums every week using the arcane blatancy of "YOU ARE SHEEP" and claiming we can put a good word in for you with the Shepherd. So this year expect to see public corporate sponsorship of the major religions. We may already have Madonna onboard for our new McChrist campaign and the responses are favourable for our sportswear Crucifix range.

"When your dumb enough to buy it, we're smart enough to charge you." Saul of Tarsus.

President Evil.