I'm nots a revisionist. When oldsters younger dan me start talkin' bout how good da Eighties or Da Seventies were musically, I point outs dat almost everyfin' of every decade of pop music has been utterly dreadful rubbish. For Every "Eton Rifles" dere's a "Some Girls" for every "Dis Charmin' Man" dere's a "Muscle Bound".

Da same is troo of Punk. Punk was a way of rubbin' out da "dinosaurs" of AOR an' Prog which preceded it. However most of punk was terrible, an' instead of bein' a shot in da arm for music it was a bullet in da spine which has taken years of recovery. Still in 1977 every town had a place where phoney punkies met to spurt off about Lester Bangs, da Clash or da Pistols or Johhny's plastic abortion or whatever. Dey thrived on lack of ability and controversy an' meanwhile Rumours sold millions of copies becomin' one of da top ten albums of all time.

Da question is why?

Was Rumours a chill out album for da Disco Stu crowd so coked out of dere tiny minds dey needed somefin' udder dan morphine ta cool dem off? Who knows? All I know is dat dese questions were on my mind last week when I finally decided dat I should really give it a go, never having heard most of it.

I wish I hadn't. Let me explain, I listened to dis album twice just to make sure it really was as bad as I first assumed. You know what, it was worse! I felt sicks after it. Where to begins? Well let's begin wif da first song which sounds like it was produced by a drunk hick in a paddlin' pool full of dyin' fish an' played by multiple amputees hittin' dere instruments wif dere tongues while Buckingham's irritatin' yokel voice blabs on wif a pointless ditty which has da lyrics "won't you lay me down in da tall grass an let me do my stuff?" Wow! Dey say Ahmadinejad talks bollocks! From dis banal little number we go onto da very famous "Dreams" sung by Nikki Sixx Stevie Nicks. I don't cares if people in da seventies wanted to deposit dere jennies in her mouth, dis is dross!

I'd go on but for fug's sake they' don't even deserve a thoroughly bad review.  Needless to say dis is a diddlin' album for da brain dead ta pretend dey is makin' great love, when really dey is just suirtin' fluids at each udder.

Dat it is a huge seller may go somewat explain da unchecked rapacious irresponsible breedin' of ye filthy monkeys wif yer foul even worse dan you offspring.

One fumb outta ten an' dat's just cos I like da font.