I feels sick! I ates a massive bag of novelty horror sweets an' has no doubt blocked me little colon wif gelatine goo. Best fing is dat it comes out as transparent poo! Hah dere's a rhyme Gelatine Goo..Transparent Poo! Where's my millions?

Anyway anudder day anudder update. AN anudder movie review.

Dis time... "Da Strangers."

Da Strangers stars dat elf chick from Lord of da Rings who's Dad looks like a lady like dat song by Aerosmif... ummm oh yeah Liv Tyler! dat's her name. She an some guy called Scott Speedman, I finks, (which sounds like some crap name Stan Lee would come up wif for a Flash rip off.) is travelling an she is all upset (really dis is a spoiler but it spoils NUFFIN so I'm tellin' ye) He's asked her to marry him an she's said no, which considerin' he's spent his time tartin' up his Dad's holiday home to look like some kind of romantic rose massacre style boudoir leaves dem somewhat uncomfortable when dey get dere.

Dey gets talkin' and smoochy and dere is a knock at da door. Ye can tell it's an ominous knock by da soundtrack and sharp edit to da door. Who coulds it be? Spesh as it's 4 in da morning. Nope It weren't Ice T, nor Alex from Clockwork Orange, it's some crazy chick looking for "terry" or somefin. She mumbles a lot so ye can't really tell. Arwen and Da Flash tells her dere is nobody here by dat name and she says "are you sure?" den ambles off. VERY Creepy. (PAH!)

Barry Allen goes out to gets some smokes and leaves Liv on her owns. After a few minutes da door goes again. Da Crazy chick is back but dis time she's a bit more vigourous wif da knockin'. Wisely, da elf doesn't open da door, but it's too late. Da mentals are loose!

From here on in, it's kinda standard, creepy wierdos creepin' about menacingly an' dere is some moments where ye finks "bad news" but mostly ye don't care enuff abouts da characters. Da weirdos wear "ever so scary" masks as dey sneaks about terrorisin' da hapless couple, but dey is slow movin' impassive types like a trio of Michael Myers wifout da style. What follows is about 50 minutes of samey cat n mouse action before dey finally catches dere prey.

It's not great, it's nots rubbish, an if ye is bored and lookin' for somefin' dat will give you level 1 creeps radder dan all out FEAR den ye mights enjoy dis. No doubts some will be hidin' behind da pillow. It's a slasher movie despite it's attempts ta be some kind of psychological horror, an' to be honest it is so similar to "Ils" (a French movie wif almost exactly da same plot) dat I founds nuffin' new.

It's pretty perfunctory.

5 fumbs up outta 10.