First I was relaxed but then nearly burned alives. Da sun wos very hot an I broke out in hives, I shoulda stayed in me hotel, I shoulda wore factor 40, but I wos dumb, an' ran out into da sun. An so I burned,  all over da place, me shoulders were all red an sore an ye shoulda seen me face. An BLZ he saids he warned me dat I would, but he lied and so instead I fried. An now I'm Back from Fancy Beach, I just went ta check me e-mails cos I was out o' reach. An no ones bothered even tryin' to contact me, I coulda died, I hopes ye all feel bad inside.

But I survived! Yes I survived! It was touch an go at one point but den I was revived, an none of ye even gave a flyin' farts, I hopes dat Jihadi penguins comes and stabs ye in da hearts!....

Apart from dat it wos a good holiday. hopes ye got me postcard. I bought a couple o hundred sticks o' rock to give out but dey wos confiscated by customs when it was found out dat dey contained massive amounts of cocaine. Dat's da weird fing about Fancy Beach, ye can take serious weaponry inta da country but ye can't takes sweets out! Anyway, while we wos dere 3 presidents were deposed an' da guy who rans our hotel became da interior minister for executions, so we had lots o' parties. BLZ even gots drunk one night on somefin' called communin' wine, after da military ransacked Fancy Church and beheaded da preest. Da main highlight o' da holiday has ta have been when some rebel farmer types kidnapped our tour guide an us an' demanded many demands off a president who had alredy been killed by some of dere mates. Oh you should have seen dere faces, dey was all apologetic an' embarrassed but dey wos good sports an' drove us back to da hotel through some lovely scenery. I saw 3 tanks on fire an a small village gettin' rounded up and macheted. Nature is wonderful in its natural environment. Unfortunately me spare memory card for me camera was corrupted so I only got a few beach snaps of me an BLZ lazin' it up. I'll post 'em soon as I can figure outs where da Webster has left me USB cable.


Anyway... Dat's anudder holiday dones, back to da rat race.