I'm nots a revisionist. When oldsters younger dan me start talkin' bout how good da Eighties or Da Seventies were musically, I point outs dat almost everyfin' of every decade of pop music has been utterly dreadful rubbish. For Every "Eton Rifles" dere's a "Some Girls" for every "Dis Charmin' Man" dere's a "Muscle Bound".

Da same is troo of Punk. Punk was a way of rubbin' out da "dinosaurs" of AOR an' Prog which preceded it. However most of punk was terrible, an' instead of bein' a shot in da arm for music it was a bullet in da spine which has taken years of recovery. Still in 1977 every town had a place where phoney punkies met to spurt off about Lester Bangs, da Clash or da Pistols or Johhny's plastic abortion or whatever. Dey thrived on lack of ability and controversy an' meanwhile Rumours sold millions of copies becomin' one of da top ten albums of all time.

Da question is why?

Was Rumours a chill out album for da Disco Stu crowd so coked out of dere tiny minds dey needed somefin' udder dan morphine ta cool dem off? Who knows? All I know is dat dese questions were on my mind last week when I finally decided dat I should really give it a go, never having heard most of it.

I wish I hadn't. Let me explain, I listened to dis album twice just to make sure it really was as bad as I first assumed. You know what, it was worse! I felt sicks after it. Where to begins? Well let's begin wif da first song which sounds like it was produced by a drunk hick in a paddlin' pool full of dyin' fish an' played by multiple amputees hittin' dere instruments wif dere tongues while Buckingham's irritatin' yokel voice blabs on wif a pointless ditty which has da lyrics "won't you lay me down in da tall grass an let me do my stuff?" Wow! Dey say Ahmadinejad talks bollocks! From dis banal little number we go onto da very famous "Dreams" sung by Nikki Sixx Stevie Nicks. I don't cares if people in da seventies wanted to deposit dere jennies in her mouth, dis is dross!

I'd go on but for fug's sake they' don't even deserve a thoroughly bad review.  Needless to say dis is a diddlin' album for da brain dead ta pretend dey is makin' great love, when really dey is just suirtin' fluids at each udder.

Dat it is a huge seller may go somewat explain da unchecked rapacious irresponsible breedin' of ye filthy monkeys wif yer foul even worse dan you offspring.

One fumb outta ten an' dat's just cos I like da font.

So, way back in da late eighties, before indie an' corporate rock finally got married durin' Cobain's shotgun weddin' I used ta go see a lot o' indie bands, some were good an' da bad ones were even better since dey gave me tips on how ta torture souls wif really bad music. One of da bands who were borderline was Da Flamin' Lips. (I could go on here an' rant about bands like Galaxie 500 who were better but ignored but well I haves... oh well.)

I had a copy of Telepathic Surgery and In a Priest Driven ambulance, but I was never too keen on dem, dough some of da songs were great. So I ignored da Flamin' Lips until fairly recently where I gave their later albums a fair hearin' an' pronounced dem... "alright."

Dis is faint praise ye understand, to me Muse is alright, alright just means it don't get me hackles up so much dat I wanna commit atrocities against da band and dere fans families record companies, producers etc.  I won't actively complain, but given da choice I'd not listen to dem.

So imagine how surprised I was by Embryonic. Dis album is a super noisy mutant bastard foetus concieved when Joy Division, Can, Air and Suicide has a saucy gangbang in Wayne Coyne's brain. It's great! From da openin' "Convinced of Da Hex" onwards we is not in da usual uplifitin' pop philosophic territory dat da Flamin' Lips have inhabited for a long while, dis album is downbeat, abrasive and beautiful all at da same time. Wif guest appearances by Karen O (who literally seems to have phoned it in) and MGMT (for some odd reason) dis is one of dem albums dat I can listen to an' go, ye knows in ten years I'll still be listenin' to dis.

So well done Da Flamin' Lips, I'd never have guessed ye could have pulled dis off but am glad ye did.

Nine fumbs up outta 10.

Air. Or Air French Band, has been makin' quality bachelor pad lounge music since dere' multi-bulti-billion sellin' Moon Safari, which took a blender ta Floyd, an ounce of quality dope, Serge Gainsbourg, Tangerine Dream, Acker Bilk an' Stereolab and turned out a chilled out groove leadin' to an unforseens optimism in Europe, quickly pissed upon by Islamic an' Christian Radicals from da Deserts and Washington.

Still dat was den, dis is now. So what has da French duo popped out at us dis time? Certainly 10000mhz Legends was a bit sharper and not as lazy (in a good way) as Moon Safari, whereas Talkie Walkie and Pocket Symphony tried to recapture da feeling of Moon Safari but din't quites make it since unlike Moon Safari, many of da songs is pessimistic in feel. In many ways Love 2 attempts da same fing, but dis time dey has come up wif somefin' which is a nice balance of all da previous albums wifout goin' off da rails. From da big synf's of da single Do Da Joy through  da Gainsbourgese "So Light is her footfalls", invokin' Can an' da B52's wif  "Be A Bee" what we have is da familiar, given a wash, some happy pills an let loose.

All in all it does it's job, as it's meant to wifout takin' unnecessary risks wif da formula dat makes dem so good. Is it formulaic den? Yes, but unlike da Mars Volta who I criticised for not movin' forward wif Octahedron, Love 2 benefits from stayin' in familiar an' welcome territory.

All in all it's not gonna shatter da walls between dimensions or anyfin' but it's good fun.

7 Fumbs up outta ten.

Okay well Part Two of "Throwin' pennies at the Damned", "Abyss Road" starts today. Now over da last couple o' monfs Da Webster has been given ye full colour pages in Undeadageddon an' Yesterday Next. Dat stops taday as he reverts back to his orignal style ta tell me fabulous tale. Don't fear dough. He is currently finishin' off "Sci-Fi Cakin'" Da Digitally Remastered High Definition Directors Cut Ultimate Gold Collectors Limited Edition Box Set for infinite Canvas for a laff an' dis will be posted a.s.a.p.

Hope ye enjoy it. I'll be reviewin' some books an' sounds soon.

CHOW!

I hads been lookin' forward ta Pontypool for a while. All I knew abouts it was dat A) it was a zombie movie (false) an' B) It had one set. (troo)

So I saws it da udder day an' I was well impressed. First of all Webster was all chuffed cos he said it was like a movie he'd make. So what's it all about?

(Spoilers in italics)

Grant Mazzy is a failin' drunk shock Jock wif a brain. He delights in bein' confrontational an' makin' his listeners feel uncomfortable, cos of dis he has been fired until eventually he presents morin' radio in a small town called Pontypool where da most interestin' fing dat has happened in ages is da disappearance of a cat. However one mornin' he goes ta work an all hell breaks loose outside. As he an' his crew sit comfortably in da station dey get reports comin' in first locally an' den internationally dat somefin' is seriously wrong with da good folks of Pontypool. Dey is goin' mental, is flockin' abouts gibberin' in mirderous an' suicidal rampages. Mazzy stays on air communicatin' wif his audience as da Armed forces turn up to try an' sort out da escalatin' insanity.

Soon we find out dat da reason da people is goin' crazy is because da english language has become infected wif a disease an' da people infected are goin' mad as dere mental immune system tries ta shake it off.

(Spoilers end)

Dis is a heavy dialogue movie which could quite easily be a play, small cast, one set an' in fact I believe it's been made inta a radio play. Da script is humourous clever an' vaguely anti-establishment, da plot falls a bit once da reveal has been introduced, but none da less dis is da type o' movie, like primer did for sci-fi, dat challenges da mentality dat horror movies must be visceral an' filled wif cgi.

It's great. Go see it.

Nine fumbs up.

Hullos. Well looks like me blog is back ups for now. I don'ts have much ta say at da moment cos I is busy killin zed's in Left 4 Dead's latest expansion an' is enjoyin' it, so I'll brook no moans. Anyways Left 4 Dead 2 comes out next Monf, (I'm gettin' it as a belated Hallowe'en present... Well Webster's gettin' it, I'm stealin' it off him.)

Bye for now.

Auds.