Lemme first says dat I hate skools. I wents once or twice an' it wos horribles. So when Da Webster saids ta me ta fill in for him durin' his sleepy sickness, I checked out dis movie he was lookin' forward ta seein'.

It was greats!  Granted a lot of ye sub-literate stink-apes will fink it dull an' pointless, I suspected da same fing. I watch movies ta be entertained, not ta see slices o' monkey life which I cans check out by stickin' me head outs of da window of Da Websters house or watchin' dere souls bicker argue an' sell each udder outs like da victims o' da libertines in Passolini's Salo. (Hahahahah ye finks I's a doof cos I can'ts write well an' is only eight but I been eights since before "Helviticus committed deuteronomy" as me ol' speccy potato-chuckin' drunk pal Jimmy Joyce said.)

Anyways slice o' life is pish. Frankly dere is nuffin' more horrendous ta me dan havin' ta endure stuff like Mike Leigh or Ken Loach. Well dat's not strictly true havin' ta endure dem stale sickly sweet unrealistic  "Da teacher dat makes da difference ta his (or her) rowdy class" movie. Ye knows Sister Act, Coach Carter, Dangery Minds all dat rubbish. Dey is nuffin' like real skool, ask Eric Harris an' Dylan Klebolds, when ye get down here, ask yer kids ask teahcers ask anyone, or stay oblivious an just reminisce o dem dreamy skive years ye wasted learnin' nuffin much about nuffin' much before poppin' inta da wageslavery o work sleep tears an' deadness.

So as ye can imagine, I was NOT lookin' much forwards ta seein' dis. DEN da fat doof tells me it's in French! wif subtitles no dubbys!  (see earlier comment about ye sub-literate stink apes). So I was not a pleased Audley. I coulda been watchin' "Psycho Cannibals Vs da Crack Ho's from Mars" or " I will Eats yer face" but no here I was goin' ta watch anudder feel good pile o rubbish in a cinema verite style in French wif subtitles. Dat was an a priori minus 37.23 fumbs up right dere.

Still I sat downs an wifin a few minutes I realised dat dis wasn't as bad as I had been leads to assume. First of all ye could tell dat da kids had not been surgically altered by da disneyficator ta be walkin' cartoons, some bein' downright ugly. Secondly dey weren't overactin' how bad dey was, dey was actin' like kids, casually self obssessed, mostly uninterested, starved for attention an' setttin' demselves up wif an us an dem mentality.

BUTS! so was da teachers. From da whinin' o' one of dem sayin' he is sick of da filthy brats to some boot all chuffed cos da spurt she took up her durin' gettin' diddled got fixed an' was developin' inta another monkey mouf through to da mealy moufed liberalism o' da main teacher an' his run ins wif a borderline totalitarian colleague I soon gots drawn inta da tiny story dat was unravellin'. It's not earf shatterin' stuff. Dere is no major crisis for da teach (da protagonist) da deal wif an' come out da udder end. What we get is certainly an' artifice, but it is not a fiction ta make us feel good about sendin' brats ta da industiralised brain laundries o' da state na dis movie shows da futility da promise da apafy an' more dan anyfin' da sheer luck involved in tryin' ta stuff facts inta da brains of shorties dat's brain is already stuffed wif fings EVEN LESS IMPORTANT dan grammar structures an' how ta add an subtract imaginary letters from each udder an stuff.

In dat sense dis movie approaches somefin' dat can be found on da same continent as troof, a bold fing indeed in dis day and age. Dere are no answers here, save da faulty ones yakked out by ta yoofs an' da teachers. We get ta see da frustrations of all involved an' yet my main problem is dat it, as all Skool movies, dere is da basic assumption dat da primary mechanics of skool is unquestionable, dat it is in an' of itself somefin' udder dan a waste of time for da majority. Dat's my problem, dis movie is tryin' ta be objective an' it kinda works.

I has ta say da actin' was top notch (anudder feat in dis day an' age of da wide eyed 2 emotion one gimmick Disneyficated autobots dat infects da medium) da low key approach, da subtle addressin' of da small problems in multi-culturalism which can affect children an' teachers.

Dis ain't a movie wif any answers or much in da way of actin' or splosions or blood, but I haveta give it major kudos for holdin' my attention considerin' everyfin' about it sounds like a "No" ta me and yet it turned out a yes.

A simple, small, well acted, well written movie dat surprised me.

Da Class. Eigh Fumbs up outta ten (dat's includin' da minus for subject matter etc.)

Hehehehe, it's been a rubbish weeks for Webster. Firsty his computy goes mental an' flings all his work inta da nuffingness of static den he catches illness an' insomnia an' is now all vague-headed. It's his own faults. I tolds him to continue wif me adventures but wot does he do? He ignores me an' goes ahead wif part two of Yesterday Next . Goods! Yesterday Next is a rubbish!

Anyways 'pologies for nots finishin' me Zombie Survival guide but I remembered dat ye is humans an' as such ofishally me enemies, so screw ye, go gets eaten!

Further ta all dis, here is wots goin' ta be goin' on on audleystrange.com for da forseeable future.

Yesterday Next will finish somertime Early in October. After dat we shall be returnin' to da Cantos an' Part Four will continue wif Abyss Road. Webster told me ta warns ye dat since he has a potential commercial project underway dat it may not always gets updated as often as is sposed to, but rest assured he will get on wif it (Ye cant's really complain cos it's not like any of ye ever pay him for all of da pages so far.)

Anyways ta all da readers of dis blog, fanks for yer time an patience if not yer cash.

Heheehhehe.

Audley.  

For some weird reasons me blog of late seems ta be usin' up a lotta bandwidf. So 'pologies to dose who reads it. It's not my fault so many of ye does dat Webster's server dudes go bananas an' shut it downs. He's a cheap ass is Webster. So befores we go back to me zombie survival guide I just wanted ta say a few words bouts "Veckatimest" by Grizzly Bear. It's been out for ages, but Amazon don't deliver ta Hell an' our own net stores is shockin'ly expensive since da devaluation of da soul when da Genocide Bubble burst. It's all da fault of lendin' ta Sub-prime Governments. Anyway Grizzly Bear.

Webster first got inta dis, despite bein' a fat grumpy oldard he does likes some good music damn him. So as I wos always fartin' about at his while he doodled an' typed I gotsta hear it in da background a lot. At firsts I said he was a stone eared nincompoop an' dat he would listen to a violin get graped by a bunch of horny sheeps dat dis was pansy pop an' dat he should kills himself an let me sell all his stuff ta buy cakes which I would, at least, find enjoyables. In retaliation he started ignorin' me an doin' Yesterday Next just outta spite!

Still one day when I was comin' back from da Zoo, (dere was dis whole fing about da penguins wantin' a ceasefire...) I was onna bus when I heards da songs "Two Weeks" on da radio. I was annoyed at first until I realised dat A) da song was actually quite good and 4) Udder people liked it! I immediately jumped up onto me chair and shouted "DAT IS GRIZZLY BEAR, DEY HAS BEEN MY FAVOURITE BAND FOR AAAAAAAGGGEEEEES AN' YOU IS ALL LEWWWWZZZEEERZZZZ!!!!" Den I pointed an' laughed at da fools an da driver came out an lifted me above his heads an marched me all da way to da front of da bus so dat everyones could see how amazin' Audley is.

As I walked da rest of da way homes I couldn' gets da song outta me heads. I grew impatient an' was ready ta tantrum when I remembered I had me mobile. I foned da Webster an' said "I'm somewhere just outside Edinbruh come an picks me up in yer car!"

Da moanster replied, "Well the problem is Audley, I don't actually have a car nor am I legally permitted to drive one." From behinds his villianous chucklin' I coulds hear Grizzly Bear. He was tauntin' me. "What are you doing away out there?"

Audley was in no moods for hims so I shouted "BEIN' FANTASTIC!" an slammed me thumb down on da little red phone as hard as I coulds.  I stormed off determined ta gets revengeance on First Bus and Da Webster. (Dat reminds me, does first bus employ weirdos ta populate dere buses? Almost every time I get on one somefin weird happens.)

Early da next mornin' I snuck inta Da Webster's room of entertainin' fings I'm not allowed ta use wifout dere permission. I turned on his computy, an after accidentally breakin' somefin by presssin' enter an left mousey too quickly an too often, I had a small war wif Itunes an' finally I listened ta Veckatimest in it's entirety.

It's quite good. It's kinda flowy mellow fey sorta music, but from start to end it jaunts along nicely but manages to be melodic an' spikey all at da same time. I fink it would be pointless ta try an discuss any specific tracks since I fink it works better as a whole album.
I'd give dis eight fumbs up but I'm still not sure an enthusiastic initial response implies any longevity. (I stole dat from Webster, hehehehe, it's his major complaint about most pop music).

While we is on da subject of music, it is time for da Yearly Marsh Vaulter disc review. Sigh! Must I? Okay octagonad or whatever..
Octahedron. Well, it's not very goods is it? I means if de plopped dis out after De-Loused then it might have cut muster, but to me anyway dis is an album dat sounds like da concept is dey took two songs dey cut from De-Loused Frances, Amp and Bedlam an' tied dem togedder wif a series of single tones. Nuffin' new is derived from any of dis, it's not so much a Mars Volta Album as we has come to expect, which is often challengin' to dere fanbase, as it is like an advert of what dey has already done, a portfolio. Nuffin' much wrong wif dat, I guess, but Octahedron don'ts provide ye wif da same moments of "WTF?" hilarity dat ye gets upon listenin' to some of da more astoundin' tracks on any of da previous albums.

I's bein' harsh, sure, dere is nuffin' much wrong wif Octahedron, it's a good jumpin' on point for dose new to da band, since it seems quite accessable in comparison to say somefin' like "Tetragrammaton" an' it's spirallin' angular madness. So perhaps dis album shoulds be seen as an advert. Is they splittin' up? Is they lookin' for a new major label contract? Who knows?  All I know is dat while dere is nuffin' wrong wif da music on dis album, most of it's actually really good, dere is nuffin' on dis album dat evinces another step forward for this band in the way that songs like Meccamputechture or Soothsayer do, it's da It's The Mars Volta by numbers. Octahedron... eight? Nah. It gets 6.