Hullos!!!

As ye is no doubts aware dis week sees da starts of Halloween. As some of ye new readers may nots know is however dat dis is Da Festive Season in Hells. As such From Friday 31st until Da 14th of November Audley takes her yearly holidays. Now dis means dat ye will be lefts wif a cliffhanger for Temple of Doof startin on Wednesday for two weeks. Dere will be, as is usual on Halloween anudder Halloween carol courtesy of Da Webster an me but forgets Temple of Doof til Monday da 17th of November. Anways while I may be on me holidays, Da Webster isn't an' he usually keeps da site up do date now an' den. So ye mights expect more stuff up, I has no idea what da big doof is plannin' ta does when I'm away. (Dis year I is off ta da quiet resort of Fancy Beach). So dere will be activity, just no more monday ta friday Temple o' doof action until da 17th at which point I has da utmost assurances of Da Webster dat barrin' invasion from anudder world, or him gettin' dead we will gets back to a Monday to friday routine until Temple of Doof is finished an' hopefully beyond dat.

Remember. Keeps it foolish!

 

I feels sick! I ates a massive bag of novelty horror sweets an' has no doubt blocked me little colon wif gelatine goo. Best fing is dat it comes out as transparent poo! Hah dere's a rhyme Gelatine Goo..Transparent Poo! Where's my millions?

Anyway anudder day anudder update. AN anudder movie review.

Dis time... "Da Strangers."

Da Strangers stars dat elf chick from Lord of da Rings who's Dad looks like a lady like dat song by Aerosmif... ummm oh yeah Liv Tyler! dat's her name. She an some guy called Scott Speedman, I finks, (which sounds like some crap name Stan Lee would come up wif for a Flash rip off.) is travelling an she is all upset (really dis is a spoiler but it spoils NUFFIN so I'm tellin' ye) He's asked her to marry him an she's said no, which considerin' he's spent his time tartin' up his Dad's holiday home to look like some kind of romantic rose massacre style boudoir leaves dem somewhat uncomfortable when dey get dere.

Dey gets talkin' and smoochy and dere is a knock at da door. Ye can tell it's an ominous knock by da soundtrack and sharp edit to da door. Who coulds it be? Spesh as it's 4 in da morning. Nope It weren't Ice T, nor Alex from Clockwork Orange, it's some crazy chick looking for "terry" or somefin. She mumbles a lot so ye can't really tell. Arwen and Da Flash tells her dere is nobody here by dat name and she says "are you sure?" den ambles off. VERY Creepy. (PAH!)

Barry Allen goes out to gets some smokes and leaves Liv on her owns. After a few minutes da door goes again. Da Crazy chick is back but dis time she's a bit more vigourous wif da knockin'. Wisely, da elf doesn't open da door, but it's too late. Da mentals are loose!

From here on in, it's kinda standard, creepy wierdos creepin' about menacingly an' dere is some moments where ye finks "bad news" but mostly ye don't care enuff abouts da characters. Da weirdos wear "ever so scary" masks as dey sneaks about terrorisin' da hapless couple, but dey is slow movin' impassive types like a trio of Michael Myers wifout da style. What follows is about 50 minutes of samey cat n mouse action before dey finally catches dere prey.

It's not great, it's nots rubbish, an if ye is bored and lookin' for somefin' dat will give you level 1 creeps radder dan all out FEAR den ye mights enjoy dis. No doubts some will be hidin' behind da pillow. It's a slasher movie despite it's attempts ta be some kind of psychological horror, an' to be honest it is so similar to "Ils" (a French movie wif almost exactly da same plot) dat I founds nuffin' new.

It's pretty perfunctory.

5 fumbs up outta 10. 

Accordin' to crazy potato flingin' monkey ArchBish James Ussher, da Earf was created on 23rd October 4004 b.c.(Before Cheesy). So congratulations, I hopes ye has a good birfday party and remember ta saves me some cakes. I should also point out dat it's da horsey Mr Editor's birfday too, but fug him, he's a horse an' dey don'ts has good birfday parties. Last Birfday party I wents to for a horse mades Ramadan look like a games of  nude Twister on crack . Room full of austere dobbins mopin' around wif long faces! Avoids!

Anways dere is anudder page up as ye has no doubts noticed.

CHOW for now!

Stoopid Webster forgots to renew his domain name an despite sendin' letter after letter, it wos made defuncts earlier todays. Luckily dere was a 30 days grace period so ye now has at least anudder 2 years of me. Which is just as well, for I can tells ye now dat Canto 4 is gonna be a big one. It's workin' title "Magics: Feary an Practicus or somefin' an it serves as da main body for da first half of da Hell Cantica. I don't wanna gives away too much but needless to says I'm in it an as usual, terrific! Udder dan dat I can tells ye we finds out a lots more 'bouts Choronozon, Antagone' an' her foul cult of witches, I learns da evil arts of sorcery an President Evil an' his gang up da stakes quite considerably for poor old me.

Anyways. We've updated for now an shoulds be anudder one in da mornin'

CHOW! 

By now ye will have probly noticed dat Da Webster has been workin' hard ta makes da site more user friendly for people wif rubbish computys. Dis is an ongoin fing, so let us knows if ye has any problems. We is still a day behind but we will have caughts up by friday, den we gets all prepared for Halloween!!! Hoorays me favourite festival!

So from nows on if ye wants ta read anyfin' bouts da site ye has ta wades through me amazin'ly perceptif ramblin's, which as a bunch of house apes ye should be grateful fors.

Todays anudder movie review.

Bug.

Bug is directed by dat ol' hack William Friedkin an' came out in 2006 (I finks). It's based on a play by some guy called Tracy Letts an' is an nice claustrophobic cerebral horror movie.

Da plot is up on thikkipedia if ye is interested but really you should see dis movie. Da basic premis is about paranoia, conspiracy feories an; escalatin' madness and Ashley Judd an Michael Shannon, who plays da main characters act dere socks off as dey becomes more an more unhinged an' elaborate in dere paranoid conspiracy feories. It's well paced cos for about da first half of da movie ye finks ye is wotchin' somefin else and den da second act arrives and suddenly ye is like AAAAAAHHHH mentalness!

All in all a good hour an a half of fun. Watch it.

7 outta 10 fumbs up.