Well, he's gones an got himself poisoned, so no updates' til he's better probably meanin' mondays. knows but dere must be somefin' else to do up dere on Mudball?

So, Da webster finally goes an' gets himselfs a new computy an' gives his other one to Lady W, but the doofus forgots to buy a wire so he could attach ups to da net. Den he forgets dis an starts tartin' up his spare room into his little study an so, nuffin' got updateds until todays cos he's an arse. Tomorrow will be a double feature, just so we can catch up.

Chow!

Dis title, is misleadin'. Da Webster gaves me it cos he saids it wos funny, but I dunno who Jack Kerouac is, but i'll take his word for it.

Today's post is however about two related fings. Da first of dese fings is an amazin' kids book dat B.L.Z reads ta me durin' da holidays. It wos called "Da Road" by Cormac McCarfy, da guy who wrote da book which wos made into dat movie "No Country for Old Men" dat I snuck into and saws last year. He also wrotes "Blood Meridian" a great cowboy book which is a real hit down here in Hell, we even got our own groups who pretend dey is da Judge when dey tortures dem monkeys dat comes here ta be tortured.

Anyway, "Da Road" is super! It's da adventures of a young lad an' his dyin' dad who is wanderin' down a bleak road in a post-apocalyptic America. It's set a long time (a phrase used constantly in da book) after da disaster an' an idea of civilisation has eroded as everywhere has been ransacked for food, all da animals is gone, all da plants is brittle ash sculptures and dem humans dat is left is eidder like our hero an his dad, very very lucky, or dey has reverted to bleak cannibals and "bloodcult" armies dat wander like wraiths, empty, aimless, survivin' only for da next meal. But dey is all really scarce wifin da book, mostly it's out two main characters strugglin' to survive by day an' haunted by nightmares or fantastic dreams by night. Dere journey, like all da udders on da road is wifout any real goal, or chance of redemption, an never changes pitch, it's just merciless. Da characters "Boy" and "Man" is normals but ye learns ta feel dere pain through some amazin' descriptions (even dough da book is written in a flat bland way. B.L.Z. saids he suspected it was stylistically done, cos even da writin' was meant to portray a world wifout even da slightest pretense at social graces) an' some scenes which is straights out of da pit.

Da Road. Cormac McCarfy. GO AND BUY IT NOW!!!!! It's important!!!!! 36 fumbs up outta 10. Yeps it's DAT good.

Stayin' on da post apocalyptic landscape topic. I has been playin' Fallout 3. Dis game, set around a nuked Washington D.C. is also GREAT!!!! It's not as grim as Da Road, but is still pretty grim, it's got a lot to do, a nice plotline an' some great characters an music, ye can freely wander aroun' an' play it da way you feel, so ye can be a mean gun totin' psycho, or a sneaky rogue like hero, or wotever. Ye can pick up missions or just go feral, it's a radioactive sandbox!!!!!. Cos a lot of da city is in rubble, sometimes ye has ta go inta sewers or old metro stations to get from one place to da next, dere you will meets some fugly denizens from radioactive coachroaches feral ghouls ta supermutant hordes. Dis is a great game, lotsa atmosphere, lotsa scares, some genuinely freaky moments, good black comedy, madmen everywhere an' if dat weren't enuff, some nice Gernsback style cyborgs as da cherry on da cake.

Fallout 3. A perfect companion to Da Road. GO OUT AND BUY IT if ye has an X-Box an' likes dis types of game. I does. 9 outta 10 fumbs up.

First I was relaxed but then nearly burned alives. Da sun wos very hot an I broke out in hives, I shoulda stayed in me hotel, I shoulda wore factor 40, but I wos dumb, an' ran out into da sun. An so I burned,  all over da place, me shoulders were all red an sore an ye shoulda seen me face. An BLZ he saids he warned me dat I would, but he lied and so instead I fried. An now I'm Back from Fancy Beach, I just went ta check me e-mails cos I was out o' reach. An no ones bothered even tryin' to contact me, I coulda died, I hopes ye all feel bad inside.

But I survived! Yes I survived! It was touch an go at one point but den I was revived, an none of ye even gave a flyin' farts, I hopes dat Jihadi penguins comes and stabs ye in da hearts!....

Apart from dat it wos a good holiday. hopes ye got me postcard. I bought a couple o hundred sticks o' rock to give out but dey wos confiscated by customs when it was found out dat dey contained massive amounts of cocaine. Dat's da weird fing about Fancy Beach, ye can take serious weaponry inta da country but ye can't takes sweets out! Anyway, while we wos dere 3 presidents were deposed an' da guy who rans our hotel became da interior minister for executions, so we had lots o' parties. BLZ even gots drunk one night on somefin' called communin' wine, after da military ransacked Fancy Church and beheaded da preest. Da main highlight o' da holiday has ta have been when some rebel farmer types kidnapped our tour guide an us an' demanded many demands off a president who had alredy been killed by some of dere mates. Oh you should have seen dere faces, dey was all apologetic an' embarrassed but dey wos good sports an' drove us back to da hotel through some lovely scenery. I saw 3 tanks on fire an a small village gettin' rounded up and macheted. Nature is wonderful in its natural environment. Unfortunately me spare memory card for me camera was corrupted so I only got a few beach snaps of me an BLZ lazin' it up. I'll post 'em soon as I can figure outs where da Webster has left me USB cable.


Anyway... Dat's anudder holiday dones, back to da rat race.